Patriotic Pacifism

Two entries in one week. And the week isn't even over yet. It just so happens I have to do journal club tomorrow...I do so many more things--like read books, blog, play instruments, and call friends--when the alternative is studying. Otherwise, I watch Dr. Quinn episodes. Or go to bed at 9. Plus, I'm reading this really good book.

When reading, I rarely remember more than one or two main points. I recently found one in the book, Reborn on the Fourth of July, that I feel compelled to document and share.

Logan Mehl-Laituri writes: ...I started getting approached by a number of other festival goers about my decision to file as a noncombatant instead of requesting discharge. But the most impressing conversation I had rarely touched on my decision. One woman didn't ask questions or poke around my beliefs. Instead, she shared urgently about someone she cared for, a Marine torn between the cross and the sword. She broke down and told me how much the church needs the message of patriotic pacifism, how much we need to articulate an alternative to the stark binarism between faith and service.

When young people get ready to face the world as emerging adults, they want to do good; they want to serve a greater purpose. The military provides a means of fulfilling those needs: by joining the military, they are "being all they can be" and become one of "the few, the proud." If they want to fight the good fight and do so in a morally captivating way, the military provides the structure through which they can sacrifice themselves, risking themselves out of loyalty to their fellow service members.

The church doesn't do this so well. When I was in youth group, I rarely if ever thought about whether or not I would die for the person sitting next to me. But in the Army, there was no question. Even in training, there was a good chance I could get hurt; if my battle buddy failed to pass his static line off properly as we jumped from an aircraft, I would suffer the consequences. On the range, we risked injury if someone failed to eject his or her excess rounds properly. The threat and the promise of service were very real, and you witnessed it every day. But in churches, it's not always clear where loyalties lie, whether someone is willing to die for (or with) you.

The woman recognized the magnetism military service has for people who want to be able to know, without much doubt, that they are doing something that works toward a better world. She knew the church had not properly prepared her loved one to express his desire to live sacrificially, that the narrative of the state had a monopoly on the language of virtue. 

Today I had some extra time with a patient who was proudly displaying his Vietnam Veteran hat adorned with an Air Force pin. So we got to talking. He'd served as combat air support from '67-'68 and served an additional three years afterwards. I mentioned this book to him and said that I've found the descriptions of war from an emotional standpoint intriguing. Particularly, Logan Mehl-Leituri's expression of PTSD. The gentleman then responded by stating that his experience with PTSD has intensified in the last 5 years..."and my experience was decades ago. "I never want to go back to Vietnam" he muttered, shaking his head. He described a few of the details before the doctor came back in and then near the end of the visit our conversation returned to politics and then foreign policy (doesn't foreign policy sound nicer than war?). I made a comment about morality in war, and he responded with, "In war, there is no morality." He was emphatic and looked me straight in the eyes. I felt ill-equipped to talk about war with someone who had experienced it so intimately. "Sometimes," he said, "you have to do what is right." I wanted to ask how you could do what was right while removing the concept of morality. Instead I mentioned that if the issues were black and white we wouldn't be having this conversation and left it at that. 

It reminds of me this prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

The Gray

So much has happened since the last time I wrote. If only I'd taken the time to write every time I thought, I don't want to forget this. But alas, life is too short to dwell on the should haves and what ifs.

I attended the CCDA (Christian Community Development Association) conference in Minneapolis, MN last weekend. Minneapolis is a cool city. The conference was wonderful. I ran into my friends from Benton Harbor, caught up with Natalie over a coffee, stayed in a hostel, packed only one small backpack for the entire trip, discovered the food truck craze, spent time traveling and discussing how transforming the message of the Gospel is with Nancy, worshiped in different languages, heard stories about Native Americans, Palestinians and Israelis, and kids in prison that made me anxious for the coming of God's Kingdom, experienced Chicago at 2AM...it was wonderful. It made me want to be a pediatrician again...can you imagine doing house calls as a pediatrician? Kinda cool, right? We'll see...



While there, I also picked up a book Reborn on the Fourth of July by Logan Mehl-Laituri. It talks about the challenge of faith, patriotism, and conscience. After joining the military as a future Air Force doc in 2010, I've been challenged by friends, books, like Irresistible Revolution, and stories told by those involved in war to consider the role of Christians in times of war. More importantly, I've been challenged to examine whether my true loyalty stands with God or America by virtue of my actions, not just my words. So far this book has exceeded my expectations and I highly recommend it to anyone, whether in the military or not.




I like answers. Answers that are clear cut and straight forward. The conference gave me a lot to think about. Another thing I've been thinking a lot about is how medicine is best practiced. Every doctor has a different way of doing the same thing. But more and more I am learning that life is gray, not black and white. Be it in the question of peace and war or the practice of medicine. This verse in John 16:33 has been my go to lately. Christ tells his disciples, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Three other quick noteworthy events:

1. I rear-ended a Yukon in my little Focus. In case you were wondering it happened on a Monday. It was a sad day.
















2. The other pictures are from a spontaneous Sunday drive I took to Port Austin, MI. I went hiking at the state park, met an awesome older couple from Austrailia who were so excited I was studying osteopathy--we talked about the documentary Forks Over Knives and agreed that what people need is more nature in their lives.

3. While on my road trip I drove accidentally (well, sort of accidentally, sort of on purpose) onto private property where I met a family that was nice enough to let me hike back onto their property to get an up close view of  this beautiful, miraculous piece of nature. How trees grow on that rock is beyond me.

Geriatrics

So I really liked peds. But, there's not a substitute for the lady I saw with the doctor today.

Doctor: How was your cataract surgery Mrs. _____?
Patient: Well, they only did one, but I can see so well! And you know what else?! I told my daughter I looked in the mirror the other day and realized I didn't even recognize myself! Were'd all these wrinkles come from?!
Doctor: You tell your optometrist you don't want the other eye done if it's going to give you more wrinkles!
Patient: You're right doc! I don't need anymore wrinkles! And he gave them to me!

or....

The old man who told the doctor he was "practically in love" after I performed his prostate exam. What he meant was he was in love with my finger that was about a quarter of the size of the doctor's finger. I hope that wasn't too much information. It probably was...I hate it when old men make me blush. Then point it out, unfortunately it happens more regularly than I'd like.

or...

The long list of complaints written out in perfect cursive handwriting. Most of them only require reassurance. It's kind of the same as when a dad brings his kids to the pediatrician with a list from his wife, but either way, I like the lists.

or...

After listening to a long list of aches and pains and requests for a walker and wheelchair, it always makes me smile when they turn, look at me, and say, "You know those golden years everyone always talks about, they aren't golden! These are no golden years. You're young! You better have fun while you can." If I had a dollar for every time I heard the words "golden years"...

Newborns. Newborns!

Yesterday, I examined a newborn baby girl. She was 2 days old. She was so tiny. And she kept her big, beautiful eyes open the whole time. (Perfect for seeing a good red reflex--thank you little girl for helping me feel competent). There's nothing like a newborn. Even in one month they are so much more grown up.

She was tiny. I was nervous that they could see I was nervous. But, I was also happy. So so happy. And nervous. But, they were awesome. Baby, Mom, and Grandma.

I was on one side of the table, mom on the other, and then Grandma got up and starting taking pictures as I examined her newest grandchild. I tried to look especially doctorly.

Newborns are a miracle.

Also, on a side note, Dr. Quinn (Medicine Woman) is awesome. Erin has all 6 seasons. And I'm obsessed. She makes me feel like I can do anything. Like harvest foxglove in a garden to make digitalis for heart problems.

Also, check this out...my mom sent it to me yesterday. Note the "Crayola Oblongata: Relays impulses to shove objects inside nose and/or VCR)."

Let Food Be Thy Medicine

That's what Hippocrates said over 2000 years ago.
Maybe it should be incorporated into the Hippocratic Oath??

Of course...everyone knows "it's important to eat healthy." Lately, I've been a little obsessed with nutrition after watching two documentaries about food, Forks Over Knives and Food Inc. My obsession is only fueled by seeing a near total lack of nutritional knowledge and/or concern in most of the patients I see each and every daily.

But, does society really know how to eat healthy? I'm becoming more and more convinced that we don't. I thought it was crazy to hear about infants and toddlers being fed coffee in Haiti. Welp, here in America we feed our kids pop from a bottle. (That's straight from Bay City, MI) How about a 3 year old girl who weighs 60 pounds (...that's 20lbs above the average weight for a 3 year old!) and is still being fed from a bottle at night before bed. It's made me question our approach to medicine. And if we need more dietitians than primary care docs.

With all the regulating and big business that goes on in the food industry, with all of the recommendations supplied by the USDA, and with our superior American lifestyles, I'm realizing, through daily encounters with patients, we are often just as far from health as the people in Haiti. Maybe because some people just don't know, but I think it's that most people really don't want to try. Or maybe just aren't willing to change. After all, I suppose it's human nature to want what is easy.

In Forks Over Knives, it highlights two doctors who shop with patients and show them how to cook. Maybe that's what it takes. Maybe I'll start making house calls as a doc someday. I think I might like that.

Dr. Esselstyn promotes a whole foods, plant based diet in Forks Over Knives. No meat, eggs, cheese, or milk. His reasons for doing so are medically motivated and based on published research in medical journals, but still, he said he knows in America this diet seems extreme. I love his response to those who think his diet is extreme (myself partially included). "A half a million people in this country this year, who will have to have their body divided, their heart exposed, then veins will be taken from their leg, and sewed onto their heart. Some people would call that extreme." Touche.

How do I get people to change their diet as a doctor? Especially when they claim they don't have any money, don't have any time, don't care (it's been said by more than one patient...), or especially when they are already totally dependent on their "cholesterol lowering, blood pressure controlling, insulin providing, depression treating, erectile creating, pain eliminating cocktail" they take every day with breakfast and dinner. How do I do it when I (the big talker at this current moment) have a hard time eating veggies over Oreos dipped in peanut butter dipped in milk sometimes? Habits are hard to change. Food rehab perhaps?

I think doctor's worst enemies in successful nutrition treatment for problems like heart disease and obesity are themselves. It's too easy to take a pill. And they're too easy to prescribe.
(And maybe fast food, too. It's too easy to pull into a drive through. Trust me..I know. But driving by the long lines at the drive thru are starting to make me cringe).

Mr. Gas Man

Dear Mr. Sam's Club Gas Attendant,


You made my day. Thanks. I hope your sweet corn grows better than it ever has.

Sincerely,
A Ford Focus owner drenched by the rain






When I switched lanes at the last minute and decided to get gas at Sam's Club I didn't know it would become the highlight of my day. It's not everyday I interact with a gas station attendant out roaming the pumps who starts up a casual conversation with a, "Did ya get the rain I sent?" ...as I got soaked stepping out of my car. He then preceded to tell me how high his sweet corn was growing, how many pepper plants were blooming, and encouraged me to start a tomato garden in my house. "Why wait til next summer?" he said. He was an older gentleman, which while in my pediatric rotation, was a good reminder of why I'm not sure if I could give up working with people over the age of 65.

Also, he was an inspiration to me to never let life get dull. To go out and make it interesting. There are no excuses for being bored or stuck in a circumstance that is not seemingly ideal. I've never wanted to be a gas station attendant until tonight. But that man seriously made me want to be one. I think I'll always go there to get my gas. 100% worth it. I danced in my car the whole way home.

Forgetting

Whenever we find that our religious life is making us feel that we are good—above all, that we are better than someone else—I think we may be sure that we are being acted on, not by God, but by the devil. The real test of being in the presence of God is that you either forget about yourself altogether or see yourself as a small, dirty object. It is better to forget about yourself altogether.

CS Lewis